It’s been one week since Pasara’s death and I’m still grieving. She was an incredible human and talented esthetician who graced us with her presence at Earthbody.
As a way to move through all the feelings that have come up, I wanted to share some thoughts on how she has touched my life.
I met Pasara at a conference I was speaking at in San Jose. In my talk, I spoke about the role of the healer and choosing work you love, about how you could be stuck in a restaurant job for years and suddenly wake up to realize that this isn’t the life you want, and how to recognize the wake up call of your own life.
Actually, this one is true. To some extent. Once married you are expected to let your beloved know a few basics. Like, for instance, if you’re going to be late, you need to call, or if you need to head out of town for a few days, you need to plan, or if you accidentally made out with someone at a party (and that’s not how you two roll), it might be a good idea to have a chat. You don’t get to do whatever the hell you want whenever the hell you want. So yeah, you lose some independence, but only a certain kind—the kind of independence where you’re let off the hook and released from accountability. That, my friend, is gone. But independence within marriage is not only possible, but absolutely necessary to the well being of the newly established us.
Before we can discover what marriage is, we need to air our dirty laundry and come clean. Hence, this series of myths exploring some old beliefs about marriage. Maybe you’ve never had a relationship last for more than nine months. Maybe your parents divorced and you didn’t have any role models. Maybe you’ve just read some garbage about what it's supposed to be like and unbeknownst to you, you’ve set yourself up to fall on your face. But don’t fret. We’ll do it together. Let’s purge the pantry and clean house. Oh, and this is by no means exhaustive. Please feel free to add your own at the end. It’s fun. It’s liberating. It’s part of what will set you free to marry on your own damn terms.
Last week, I started the first article of a series called Marriage: Nobody Tells You Anything. For myself, marriage has become a central lens to life and I’m still amazed at how little I knew going in. This series of newsletters will explore the strange beliefs, surprising truths, and embarrassing strokes in marriage and love from my own experience and yours. I asked for your input. I wanted to know what it was like for you. And letters came in…