I'm excited to share that for the next few weeks, I’ll be devoting a series of articles on the theme of marriage, love, and relationship. What makes us commit? How can we be in a long-term relationship? Is there a secret to love?
It’s been just over two years since we exchanged our vows in front of loved ones outside on a Sunday afternoon in Marin County. Marriage, as I’ve learned, is a place of never-ending discovery of self, of other, and of union. It’s also a charnel ground—a place of daily death and rebirth. And that’s if you’re lucky. There’s something essential to relationship as a vehicle for transformation. Some couples are inspired by change; others may see change as conflict. But make no mistake...deep relationships offer an opportunity to awaken innate wisdom. In our most celebrated bonds, if we’re really present, change occurs. This is a very good thing.
“Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.” ~ Ramana Maharshi
It doesn’t matter.
I don’t really care.
Sure. I guess so.
We’ve all been passive at some point. What appears as easy-go-lucky can often be a cover to divert attention or connection with the person you’re engaging. It shows up in small ways (what do you want for dinner?) and can grow in big ways (what do you want in life?) without every recognizing the underlying issue.
“Compassion is based on some kind of “soft spot” in us. It is as if we had a pimple on our body that was very sore – so sore that we do not want to rub it or scratch it. The sore spot on our body is an analogy for compassion. Why? Because even in the midst of immense aggression, insensitivity to our life, or laziness, we always have a soft spot, some point we can cultivate – or at least not bruise. Every human has that basic sore spot, including animals. Whether we are crazy, dull, aggressive, ego-tripping, whatever we might be there is still that sore spot taking place in us…We are not covered completely with a suit of armor all the time. We have a sore spot somewhere, some open wound somewhere. Such a relief! Thank earth!” ~ Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche
“The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not. It is existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person – without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.” ~ OSHO, Being In Love
You asked me to list ten things I loved about my childhood. I didn't forget. I was just touched by the question for many reasons none of which happened to be the answer to the question. Motherhood (so I hear) is a challenge in addition to being awesome and fulfilling and all that jazz. But I hear that it's also very very hard, kind of like elective surgery but without morphine. You didn't HAVE to do it. Decades of thankless work and sleepless nights in the hope that your kid stays out of trouble, makes good work and doesn't blame you for every damn thing that goes wrong. As we know, sometimes things happen that we don't expect. This is called LIFE.