Outrageous Beauty

Outrageous Beauty

Tuesday, 4th March 2014

I was looking at my high school graduation picture and had a flash of the mindset that occupied my world for weeks before the arrival of that 15-minute photo shoot. I remember the self-induced claustrophobia I was in and the haunting belief that my image would mean something. And that this would be my one and only shot to be someone worth remembering.

What strikes me most is my constraint. I sit rigid and poised, afraid to reveal my natural smile, a mouth full of metal. I’m wearing a new outfit purchased just for the occasion—a velvet, low-cut dress and necklace of pearls—which only accentuates my awkwardness since I lived in t-shirts and jeans. My makeup sits on my face and hides my genuineness, which says more about that period of my life than the picture of that moment. As a teenager, I didn’t know how to experience myself, much less express it. I do remember finding solace in the evening sitcoms of my adolescent years, with their short episodes and simple story lines peppered with pre-recorded laugh tracks. The easy formula of television gave me clear emotions when I was unsure of the weather within.

But that was then. Over the years so many things changed, including my image. Sometimes it was motivated by choice, like when I cut off my hair for my 25th birthday or trained as a boxer for a role. Other times, I changed by circumstance.  Break-ups made me thin. Prostrations made me wild. Love made me quiet. I had no idea how many lives I would explore or places I would go. I’ve had a thousand lifetimes since that picture.

And yet the proof of change came just recently when I met up with an old friend. After a few hours of reminiscing, I suddenly felt conscious of my face. A silly, wide grin had been stretched along my face nearly the whole time, my eyes bulging, my neck jutting out with anticipation for the next part of the story. I was vulnerable and my expression revealed all. Not once did I constrict my smile to relieve my nose of its extra curl, tuck my jaw to contain my cheeks, or straighten my mouth to smooth out my lips. This vulnerability was outrageous and it taught me a lesson about beauty. By allowing my expression to come through, I found courage. And I’m fairly certain this radiated in a million directions as other people watched, encouraging us along with their uplifted looks.

I found myself asking, what is beauty? What defines it? Is it really a look, a style, or symmetry? I’m not sure. But I will say that in that particular moment, the answer was totally clear. Beauty is the courage to be absolutely, completely, outrageously authentic to one’s own direct experience. That kind of beauty compels and captures.


Denmo
is the founder and CEO of Earthbody. She is a writer, artist, therapist, and coach. You can reach Denmo here.

Earthbody is San Francisco’s most popular sanctuary famous for their integrative massage and bodywork sessions, spa rituals, private consultations, and handcrafted line of holistic skincare made fresh each week in small batches with love.

View our Treatments | Book a Session | Shop our Products

{fcomment}

Like what you see here? Sign up to our Newsletter (at the bottom of this page) to receive nuggets of inspiration, reflection, and wisdom delivered to your inbox each week. It’s totally free — no strings attached. (And we don’t sell or share your info with anyone. Promise.) Spread the love.